Reaching for Faith

A woman had decided to go to bed early that night. She was awakened at 12am that morning. In the middle of the night something or someone inside of her had told her. "I want you to go on the internet, go to so-n-so website. Click on these sermons. I want you to hear something." The woman did what she was told. Thing was she wasn't prepared for the message. In the middle of listening to these sermons, a voice inside kept repeating the word "faith". As one of the sermon came to an end she stopped what she was playing. A loud voice spoke to her and said, "Where is your faith?"

Let's take a trip back to the past, back to the days of when the word faith was used consistently.

There is a woman that comes to mind. Oh, how she had suffered for 12 years diseased with an issue of blood. Back in those days the Rabbi's went beyond the Old Testament teaching on the issue of blood. They referred having menstrual or periods as unclean. In Mark 5: 25-34, a certain woman which had an issue of blood said to herself. If I touch the hem of His garment, I will become whole. What a bold statement. It goes on; she did touch the hem of His garment. Jesus then turned to her and said, "Daughter, be of good comfort thy faith hath made you whole." Let me repeat those words. Thy faith hath made you whole. What an example of faith.

Luke 7: 36 – 50 tells of another woman. A Pharisee had invited Jesus to have dinner with him. As Jesus reclined at the table, a woman in that town who was sinful learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house. So she went there. She stood behind Jesus' feet and began to weep. As the story goes on she began to wet Jesus feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair and poured alabaster oil on them. We know the story, towards the end Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven." The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?" Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace." She had faith to go and weep on Jesus feet and poured alabaster oil and by doing just that her faith saved her.

Let's return to the present. Let's look at our modern day world using the word faith but in the context of faith in people or human beings.

There is a Pastor. We meet under unusual circumstances. We don't meet on a regular basis. It is always at odd times. I would call her my angel at the hour of need. She shows up when I am going through difficult times not any other time. When I look at her and her faith, her faith in a human being is very strong. Her faith shows her when she is needed. I had emailed her one day and asked her a question regarding her pastoral role. And the question was, has she ever taken off her hat as a pastor and humbled herself as a human being in the front of her congregation. I was in awe, as she answered my question in the front of her congregation the following Sunday morning I had visited her church. What struck me that Sunday morning was she wrestled with God that week on a verse in the bible for her sermon, she kept trying to avoid it, and it was too hard on her. She had told her congregation of how she had wrestled with God. To me that was total faith, to let the human being be shown to other human beings. Faith in this situation requires total trust in the congregation. Sometimes, we think that God’s messengers have total faith. We need to open ourselves to others and show each other who God created versus the masks we wear everyday to hide our ourselves, when what God is actually seeing is the beauty He created.

Let me continue on with the story of the woman who was awakened at 12a.m. The next morning she gathered her belonging to go on a retreat that week. That morning of her retreat she thought she was getting away from the chaos and garbage of her life and getting away from everyone. As she entered the retreat site, it was huge. It was as if she had entered a kingdom. She looked at this place saying “this place is too good for me.” She did not deserve to be in a beautiful kingdom. For a few days she had been processing where she had lost faith and she came up with the answer of where she found faith. She had pieces of email a year and a half ago. Of what faith people had in her, I began to see, see what was written. I began to hear, hear what God and the people in my life were saying to me. The question I had asked people in my life was, what kind of faith did they have in me? Because I sure didn’t have faith in myself, these were some of their replies: You have faith in humanity and you are part of humanity. You are a human being with a big heart who is trying to live honestly and with integrity. You can do anything. Faith is to surrender. To give up claim or to give up one's self to the word faith. It is not an easy thing to do. I have been there so many times. I would lose faith and wished I was there back in those days when Jesus walked this earth. To be there to touch the hem of his garment to be healed or to weep on Jesus’ feet to restore my faith, faith that had been lost because I was busy with the chaos of my life. As we traveled to the past and looked at 2 women of the bible, examples of how much pain, sickness and sin they went through and for them to have faith, they were healed and saved. To look at how faith is used today to have lost faith in one's self but God had used a person to show that faith to another human being. And to have faith in God, we are reaching for faith.

A month ago, I went on another weekend retreat. And as I started to write this sermon, at 12am, once again I heard a softer voice and it said "Where is your faith?" It was the same voice to remind me of faith.

See sometimes we have been so busy with so many things; the question is what are you willing to give up Jessie? What are you willing to give up church? For me I surrender me and grab a hold of faith as if it was the last thing I have on earth. Have faith in human beings who love you and care for you. But most of all have faith in our Lord Jesus who has been there the whole time and acknowledging that He was there all the time with us. Where is our faith? In Jesus name, Amen.

"Freedom, from what?"

I have always wondered what my answer would be. I had begun to run away as an adult. For 2 years I had thought running away from myself would set me free. I had gotten on that airplane to who knows where. And then when I felt that tug the kind that would tell me “hey your feelings are about to re-emerge”. It told me when I needed to go buy a plane ticket. It would always be a one way ticket. 2 years of running from me is harder that I could have imagined. Always came up with an excuse why I had to leave after staying a few weeks here and there. All the lies I had to come up with. The lies started with small ones then it became outrages. I came to Washington thinking ok, this family of mine would be an ok one. Instead of it being an ok one, it became an abusive one. I never thought about it, to come up with a lie and get on an airplane to who knows where. Somehow, this wasn’t the plan I had thought it was supposed to be. Recently, I looked at freedom as a way to be rid of a family that I grew up with that did not love or accept me. Love growing up had become just things that were done to me. Not good things such as nurturing, caring, belonging, it had become a destructive love. I had to close my heart it was more of locking it with a thick chain and padlock that no one could get through. I remember about 2 years ago when people in my life would say “I love you Jessie”. I answered them by saying “Go across the street and yell to me I love you and it will go my hand”. I repeated is so many times. I didn’t understand why people where loving me. Why did I need anyone to love me or why did I need to need anyone? I didn’t need love nor did I need my needs to be met. I eventually accept it but not quite fully. Not completely. A part of my head knew but not my heart, it wasn’t easy because I walked around on this earth thinking I was in a dream. I live in a dream world where everything is not real. Love and all.

In my head I had a thought; I want to be set free from my family. How do I do it? My mind went on a rampage of thoughts. All I wanted to do was I want to get out. I wanted out from this dysfunctional family. I was still in an abusive relationship with my mother. I would forgive my mom and something always happened. I had tried so hard to be a daughter to her, but no such luck. As I recall growing up my parents never told me to my face that they were proud of me. I had become a youth leader at church for a couple of years and there no words that were spoken to me. I had become pathfinder leader even gotten to the highest ranking still no words. Just about a year ago I had gone to see my mother and I finally told her what she was doing to me. It was just what needed to do. On a Wednesday night I went to church when I was in Hawaii. I didn’t realize God had a message for me. The person who had given the sermon that evening was my little cousin. The message was God uses those who are broken or have total brokenness. But it was more of the message I was hearing in my own heart. As my cousin mentioned the story of Job and of Joseph, it hit me hard. It was time to be set free. Free from what? It was my own heart. It was time for me to unlock my heart. To free my heart to let the people in my life into my heart, to come in and be close to me, and to know they love, I never dream it would happen to me. I didn’t pray about this dream world to be free from. I didn’t pray for my heart to be open for anyone.

Let’s take a look at the story of Job. There was a deal that was going on with God and Satan. God told Satan “you can do anything to Job, the only thing you can’t do is take away Job's right to choose”. Satan did everything to the point that Job’s wife did not love him anymore. She wanted him to give in. He was ridiculed, physically torn but Job’s faith in God was very strong. Job never gave up. Even when he was at the lowest, to the point of brokenness, he maintained his strong faithfulness to God.

Joseph a young boy, one of his father’s favorite. If you remember the story, Joseph always went out to the field to go give his brothers food. And what had happened, all but one brother were jealous of him and they sold him to the Egyptians. He then became the right man to the king.

Freedom, what freedom am I reaching for? I ask myself now. Freedom from self, freedom from things that get in the way, freedom is 1st Corinthians 13 verses 1 & 2. It says, “Though I speak with the tongues of men and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal. A though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.” I am nothing if I don’t have love. It says in verse 13, “And now abideth in faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.”
Freedom is charity.